A Painful Reminder for many bereaved parents (especially mothers), Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of what should have been. Watching television commercials portraying happy families and seeing mothers with their children can be especially painful to the bereaved. Though there is no escaping the day itself, here are some ideas that may help. The most important thing to remember is, “do what is right for you”. Do not let family or friends pressure you into a situation that will cause additional grief. Remember too, that although your child(ren) is no longer here to share the day with you, you are still a mother (do not let anyone convince you otherwise). 

 

Focus on each other...
One idea, is to spend Mother’s Day with your spouse. This is a perfect opportunity for husbands to plan a romantic dinner or perhaps even a weekend get away. Some bereaved couples may find it easier to focus on each other, rather than on “Mother’s Day”.

 

Your Mother’s Day…
Another approach is to spend the day with your mother. This can be a special time shared between the two of you. Many bereaved mothers find it less painful to center activities around their mothers.

 

A family time…
For families with surviving or subsequent children, you can plan a special day with
them. Although there will always be a child missing from the festivities, spending time with your living children may help brighten the day.

 

A time of faith…

Some find comfort in their faith during difficult times. For those attending a church
service in honor of the holiday, you may wish to speak to your pastor about mentioning bereaved mother’s in the Mother’s Day services.

 

Plan ahead…

These are just a few ideas for Mother’s Day, regardless of how you choose to spend the day., plan ahead. This will enable you to be better prepared for the emotions and grief that will come up. Wives try to communicate your needs to your husbands. (They can’t read your minds) If you have expectations of how you would like the day spent, let him know. He wants this day to be as pleasant as possible for you. 

 

Keep in mind also, that on Mother’s Day, there will be lots of families out and about. If you find it uncomfortable to see mothers with babies or children, consider going out Saturday night, rather than Sunday. May you have the best Mother’s Day possible, under the circumstances. Happy Mother’s Day to the bereaved mothers of the world.

 

Mother's Day Tip #1:

Plant something beautiful and permanent. Spring is the best
time for planting so spend time at a local nursery picking out a perennial plant
or tree to plant in your mother/child's honor. Choose a plant that has thier
favorite color blooms on it. Plant it somewhere on your property that you will
see it every day and remember your loved one. Popular choices for trees are magnolias  (which in the North bloom around Mother's Day), lilacs, and cherry trees. Popular  perennials include roses, bee balm, and lavender.

 

Mother's Day Tip #2:

Start a scrapbook. Everyone has a box (or several) of old
photos that never made their way into an album. Pull them out and choose pictures that represent your relationship. Design a scrapbook with those  photos and add commentary to describe the scene in the photos and how you felt at the time being with your mother/child. This is a beautiful gift to pass down someday.

 

Mother's Day Tip #3:

Have a party near Mother's Day in  honor of your mother/child. Invite friends who will appreciate the opportunity to talk about and remember them again. Plan the party as if your mother/child were going to be there: choose favorite flowers, favorite foods, and favorite music. Take this time to let yourself reminisce about your mother/child and learn things about them from friends you may not have known before.

Following are some beliefs or thought-forms, which can be very supportive in our effort to cope with the departure of a loved one. If you find any of these helpful, write them down with large letters and place them where you can see them often. Feel free to alter them so that they apply more appropriately to your own specific needs. You could also make a cassette with such messages to play while in deep relaxation or as you fall asleep. Share these thoughts with others.

 

1. I am an eternal soul and have the power to live an abundant and meaningful life. All is within me. I feel secure, protected and tranquil.

 

2. My loved one is an eternal, immortal soul who continues to live in another dimension more beautiful than the one in which I currently exist.

 

3. Since my loved one is very well and far closer to his or her true divine nature, I can be glad for him/her and can give joy to myself and to those around me.

 

4. Everything happens according to wise and just divine laws which give us the lessons we need for our spiritual evolution. For some reason, it was best for my loved one to move on to another level of existence and for me continue on here, without him or her.

 

5. Everyone on this earth has lost loved ones. This is a natural and universal aspect of material existence.

 

6. The departure of the soul from the restrictions of the temporary physical body is a beautiful liberation from a very limited incarnated state.

 

7. The loss of my loved one is a great opportunity for spiritual development through the cultivation of inner power, tranquility, security and self-acceptance.

 

8. I accept the perfection of the Divine Laws, and I release God, myself and all others for any responsibility for what is happening to me.

 

9. My loved one would want me to be happy and to continue my life creatively and beautifully.

 

10. I am a pure divine being and deserve unconditional love. I am acceptable, lovable and interesting as I am.

 

11. The loss of a loved one is not related to guilt or punishment but, is instead, a great opportunity for spiritual development and inner growth.

 

12. No one can be responsible for someone else¢s death. Each soul has selected the hour and the place when he or she will leave. Others are simply the instruments we use for our departure.

 

13. I can, even now, correct my relationship with my loved one with inner communication and prayer.

 

14. I open myself to my brothers and sisters in the family of humanity who are now sharing this planet. My loved one would want me to do so.

 

15. I share with others my sorrow and joy.

 

16. I find meaning in myself and my life by relating, serving, creating and evolving.

 

17. Life is a divine gift and it is my duty to use it to benefit myself and others.

 

18. Today, 40,000 parents have lost their children. Tomorrow, another 40,  000 parents will lose their children. I am not alone in pain. Departure from the physical body is a natural part of life on earth.

 

19. There is one universal life force, expressing itself through all beings. The same consciousness that expressed itself through my loved one is now expressing itself through every being around me. When loving and offering to others, I love and offer to him / her.

 

STEPS WE CAN TAKE

1. We can study the spiritual truths related to the life and death and the relationship between the soul and the body.

 

2. We can express our feelings openly to those who can respect and understand them, perhaps to a priest, minister, psychologist, spiritual teacher or a good friend.

 

3. We can pray for our loved ones¢ development and growth as souls on the dimensions where they are now existing. We can light a candle for them as frequently as we feel the need, sending them light, energy and love.

 

4. We will gradually need to free ourselves from excessive concentration on those who have left this plane and pay more attention to those who are here with us. It might be best eventually to remove belongings that remind us of him or her. We can give them to charity or to those who need them or would appreciate them.

 

5. We can occupy ourselves with meaningful activities such as:

a. Service
b. Creativity
c. Evolution - Self knowledge
d. Conscious Love Relationships

 

6. We need to be patient with ourselves and those around us. Overcoming such a shock usually takes time.

 

7. We need to cultivate faith in the Divine and in ourselves.

 

8. We can join a group of people dedicated to the process of growth where we can mutually support each other in this process.

If your Mother's Day corsage
is adorned with flowers of white,
Go find a Mom without a corsage...
And Make her Mother's Day Right.

 

If your mother has died, sometimes the best thing to do is to seek out other people who knew and loved her to talk about her. Visit her grave, or write in a journal about memories of the things you loved about her.  Every human on earth had a mother once, but if yours is unavailable to you, there are other things to do on Mother's Day. The idea of motherhood is wrapped up in nurturing. When you feel a need to be cared for, appreciated or comforted, you may like to turn to a
mother-figure in your life. This could be a friend or relative, or it could be yourself. We are all capable of nurturing ourselves in some way.  One way to spend Mother's Day is to do something that reminds you  that the earth is our mother: if you live near an ocean, go to the beach. Near mountains? Go for a hike and take along a picnic. Enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature, either alone or with a companion. If you are feeling lonely and sad, think about what makes you feel
better. Some people like to wrap a soft blanket around themselves and drink hot tea or eat cookies and drink milk. Others like to take a warm bath while listening to music. Some like to shut the world away and bury themselves in an absorbing project, while others like to get out and meet people and ask for a hug or a smile or a joke-telling session. It's okay to do whatever makes you feel better,
as long as you harm no one, including yourself. If you know an older woman in a nursing home, or who is house-bound through age or illness, going to visit, taking along a treat or a small gift can make both of you feel good. Giving is a great gift
to the giver. There are many forgotten older people in the world who would benefit from a little kindness, even from a stranger or acquaintance.  If you would normally buy flowers or candy or a card for your mother on Mother's Day, and for some reason, this is not an option this year, you can always buy them for yourself. You could do what one dear friend of mine does with uncomfortable
holidays: she proclaims them all, "Half-Price Candy Eve," and buys treats for herself the day after the holiday at a discount. In any case, don't let somebody else's holiday get you down. Humans are social beings, and sometimes it really hurts to feel left out. Give yourself a break and find another way to enjoy the day.

Celebrating Your Mother Can Help You Heal
The thought of celebrating Mother's Day when your mother/child has died can be difficult.  It might seem blasphemous and wrong to have a joyful day when your mother/child can no longer share it with you. Celebrating your loved one, though, can be healing and can help you remember all the mother's days that have gone before, when they were there with you.